3 months with her…

You’ve been with me 3 months, Emma.  In 3 months I have completely transformed into someone I never knew I could be.  I feel like I am a more patient, compassionate, and loving person due to you. I thought I loved your father, but the love I have for you almost hurts at times.  I look at you and am in awe of you.  You’re so perfect and fascinating, and you don’t even know it.  I find it breathtaking at times.  

During the 1st month of your life I learned so many things.  I learned that you don’t like to lay down in my arms.  You like to look around and be a part of the socializing.  You have very distinct cries that let me know if you are hungry, wet, tired, or bored.  You love to be wrapped in all things furry and cozy.  You get hiccups almost every time after you eat.  You love to get your hair washed.  You hold my finger while you eat, which makes my heart melt.  I learned that you smile when talked to, and pout your lip out right before you throw a fit.  Even when you are upset and crying, I still think you are so beautiful.  

Month 2 came with a whole new Emma.  It’s mesmerizing to me how fast you evolve.  This month was really hard for me because you had to get shots.  I am not a shot advocate.  Your father is.  So, we compromised, and decided to go on a delayed shot schedule so you didn’t get everything all at one time.  When the doctor put the needle in you, and you cried out, a part of me died inside.  I felt like my soul had been ripped out, and you were in pain because I allowed this to happen.  I cried right with you, and held you so close until you stopped.  Outside of this traumatic moment, 2 months has been so fun.  You laugh and smile so much.  It’s the first thing I see from you in the morning, and it makes me feel accomplished to know you are happy.  You moved into your crib, in your own room, this month.  I was worried about moving you, but you transitioned so smoothly, and slept so well in there from the very first night.  You get up around 3 or 4 to eat, and then go right back to sleep.  I’m so proud of you for this.

2 months is also bringing out your demanding side.  You know what you want, and you let me know.  If you’re hungry, you tell me loudly.  If you’re happy, you laugh loudly.  If you want attention, you let me know loudly.  You are finding your voice, and I love it!  You want to roll over so badly.  You can’t quite get there, but you are trying so hard.  It will come in time.  You are fascinated with Bandit.  You watch her wag her tail, and giggle about it.  You watch her walk by, and follow her with your eyes.  You guys are gonna be great friends.  But she’s an old gal, so be gentle with her.  You are starting to bond with your daddy more.  Especially his beard.  You love his beard, and he does not appreciate that.  You hurt poor daddy when you grab and pull on his beard.  I think it’s pretty funny. 

Before I knew it, we are at 3 months.  I can’t even believe you have been with me this long.  Time is flying, and I want it to slow down so so much.  I’m trying to savor every moment.  So, in order to be there for you, and all of your milestones, I left my corporate job.  This was a huge decision for me.  In my heart I know this is the best decision for you and your future.  You are so fun at 3 months.  Your smiles and laughter are more frequent, and so joy filled.  You love your blankets, your bright-colored toys, your nursery rhymes that we sing, being read to, and your bed.  I can see your independence shining thru, and I know that it’s a direct effect of us making you feel safe enough here to be able to play solo.  You sleep from 8-5 and then 5:30-7:30.  And the last few nights you have slept the whole night thru, which really freaked me out the first night it happened.  You eat so well, and are gaining great weight.  I love all your fat rolls.  I am obsessed with them, and so happy to know that I am the reason you are nice and plump.  It makes my heart smile when you eat.  It’s a connection that only you and I share, and I am so happy to have made the decision to breast feed you.

3 months means a bigger size in clothes, you reaching out to me, fighting to put your diapers on because you wiggle like crazy on the changing table, watching you find your thumb to suck on, going thru 1o bibs a day because if drool, and you learning vowels and other mouth noises.  3 months means I love you 3 times more than I did.  Every day I look at you and fall deeper in love.  I never understood when women told me how much they loved their kids, but now I do.  I watch you learn, sleep, laugh, cry, and observe, and just sit in wonderment at your very life.

As an artist, I have prided myself in creation.  But, darling, you are my ultimate creation.