We found out in May of 2015 that we were going to have Baby Schmidt. I think it was the 11th. The same day I realized your life was going to be the death of my cousin. See, they say when one dies, one is born. And Tina had a brain hemorrhage this day. So, I knew that was the end of her life. I never said that to anyone, but I knew it. And I cried a lot that day. Out of sadness, joy, fear, loss, gain, anxiety, and basically just being overwhelmed. I had to pull myself together because I didn’t want to lose you too. It was so much to swallow all in one day. Life was changing. Drastically.After a whirlwind of emotions filtered thru, my husband & I settled it in our hearts that we were about to be parents. I blame our 1 year anniversary in Asheville, NC. I also blame the delicious wine that was served with a phenomenal steak of which we will never be able to afford again because we are adding a person to our payroll. You better be worth it, because there is nothing more I love than a high priced dinner in a chic restaurant.
What no one tells you about pregnancy, I am going to tell you. Because at 35 I can take on this task. I can be honest because I understand everything doesn’t have to be sugar coated and pretty. I despise all those moms who tell you how magical pregnancy is. I’m learning early on, it’s not magical. At 5 weeks into this pregnancy, life is different already, and no one told me what to expect. Not even that book; “What to expect while expecting.” What a stupid book. Because what I was expecting, is not at all what I got. There is no glow, there is just sweat. There is no great skin, there is acne. And the hormones have made me a raging monster. If my husband even sticks around for these 9 months it will be a miracle because he is catching a lot of my attitude. No one would blame him for leaving.
So here I am at 5 weeks preggo. I found out very early because I had this ridiculous pain that equated to someone stabbing me in the side. The books will tell you this is implantation pains and is like mild cramps. That’s crap. It is like a tiny ninja is trying to cut his way out of you. At no point is this mild cramping. It actually hurt so bad that I took myself to the hospital. Mostly because I was in denial that I was pregnant, and was sure that my appendix had burst, & I was bleeding internally. Nope, just pregnant. And as everyone oooooh’d and awwwwed over me in the hospital, I sat angry that this little dot was stabbing me. But, amazed that a tiny little person was evolving inside of me. It was a total mind trip. I imagine this will continue.
Let’s talk about the heat. Holy sweet lord, the heat!! I am someone who is always cold. I love blankets. I love a fire. I love to cuddle. Screw all of that!! All I want these days is blasted AC, tons of ice water, & I am seriously considering bathing in ice chips. There is really nothing to express how hot you are while pregnant. And no one mentions this anywhere. Not one medical article or mommy blog, not one doctor, and not one friend mentioned that I was going to be my own personal inferno. I am anticipating this will get worse as the summer moves on. I am also anticipating I become very angry due to this.
What they do tell you is that you will be sleepy. Very very sleepy. This is true. I feel like someone is literally sucking the life out of me. Which, I suppose, is what is actually happening. A friend told me that women were just the vessel for a parasite. I understand that now. I have mixed emotions about this pregnancy thus far. How can one little small dot be changing my whole world? You couldn’t be more than a centimeter, and you are making your presence very known. Take it easy on mom, ok?
Let me sidetrack and say that we are happy. My sarcasm and satirical style will make you think that I hate this baby. But, I don’t. I welcome it into my twisted little world. We went off of birth control on Jan 1, 2015 so it wasn’t like we weren’t trying. I think deep down we both thought we were too old, made too many unhealthy choices at some point, or were immune to getting pregnant. Turns out, we were wrong. So baby Schmidt is coming.
Whether we are ready or not.